a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
