I think i sorta joined a cult last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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