Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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