i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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