Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Less talking, more tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
