Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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