rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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