sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The Olympian is in my bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
