OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
