why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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