Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
