I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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