Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
