FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
