Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
