You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize