Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
