I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
