I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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