I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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