this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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