I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
