he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
