Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
