the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
