Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
