When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
