Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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