I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
