She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
