I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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