I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
