my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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