I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
