I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
