...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
