I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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