I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
