But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize