I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
