i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
