I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
