apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
