At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
