my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
