Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
