it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize