just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
