Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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