dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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