to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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