I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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