walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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