i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
