Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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