this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
