Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
