There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
