the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize