He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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