just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
