3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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