somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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