just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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