I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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