Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
