Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
