I CAN MOONWALK!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize